ROSH HASHANA
This past year, last February 12, 2016, I left on a four month adventure around the world- stopping in six new places for between two and four weeks. After a long weekend with our sons in LA, Alice returned home and I flew to Hawaii- camping in state parks on the beach most nights in my tent in Maui and Kauai. Then on to Tahiti, where, with Ben, a friend of my brother's, I hiked to the spot where my brother Den died in a river during a flash flood. Then, I relaxed on the small island of Aitutaki in the Cook Islands- reading and writing.
In April, I met Alice in Queenstown, New Zealand and we traveled together, two weeks on the south island and two weeks on the north island. I celebrated my sixtieth birthday, crossing over from the south island to the north island, a beautiful three hour ferry ride- the song of the day: Break on thru to the Other Side!
In May, I flew to Thailand and finally to Nepal where I hiked to Poon Hill at 11,000 feet, seeing the Annapurna Range and three of the top ten tallest mountains in the world.
Quite an adventure!
In Wellington, New Zealand, Alice and I joined the progressive synagogue and I led the community Passover Seder there with about a hundred people including the US ambassador to New Zealand and his wife.
Jo Ellen is the spiritual leader of the progressive community in Wellington. She is a wonderful and knowledgeable woman who welcomed me to lead their Seder. Jo Ellen would have been a rabbi- she was born in NY, moved to New Zealand, applied to the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College or Seminary but- was not accepted at the time. Why? She was married to a non-Jew. At that time, this reality disqualified her.
Jo Ellen's marriage ended, she became more and more involved with the Wellington congregation, married again, this time to a Jewish man who is the director of the Holocaust Center, and now is the director and spiritual leader of the Wellington liberal congregation.
About a year ago, the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College changed its policy regarding not admitting students who are in a serious relationship with a non-Jew. After all, a rabbi is a role model to her or his congregation and to the community, and the rabbi's personal relationship needs to reflect a personal commitment to our Jewish people. I supported and understood and accepted that policy. However, a year ago, the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College decided that a candidate should be accepted based on her or his qualifications and not based on who they might be in partnership with. I had difficulty with that change of policy.
I called the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association office and spoke with our director. "Is it still the case," I asked, "that I can not co-officiate at a marriage with a non-Jewish clergy person?" "Yes," responded our director.
I have, throughout my professional career abided by that policy. I would only marry a couple if they: 1) desired and agreed to raise their children as Jews; 2) maintained a Jewish home- with Jewish symbols; 3) belonged to a Jewish community or chavura, and, 4) took an Introduction to Judaism course so that they understood what all that would mean.
Well, now the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College is accepting rabbinical students who might not be partnered with a Jew. Is the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association going to change the inter-marriage policy for its rabbis so we can now co-officiate at an inter-marriage if that rabbi is so inclined? "That will be discussed," responded Elyse, our director.
It felt a bit out of whack and I still was not on board with the new policy of admitting rabbinical students who are partnered with a non-Jew.
Meeting Jo Ellen was helpful in my understanding of this issue and policy change. Jo Ellen wanted to become a rabbi. Her congregation is very "mixed", having many inter-married couples. Yet- as a congregation, they have a big tent inclusive approach. Similar to the San Antonio Beth Am congregation and most Reconstructionist congregations. Jo Ellen made it clear to me that models and role models, as we know, vary from place to place. Each congregation has its own needs, its own make up. Jo Ellen felt that a rabbi married to a non-Jew could be attractive, even helpful, in growing some congregations.
I understand this now. I see her point. I have changed my perspective and my point of view. It is not so much having a policy that is solely compatible with my belief, with my perspective, but, rather, having a policy that is inclusive of many perspectives and many needs.
How often do we change our way of thinking? Do we, most often, stand firm in our belief system or do we, can we, really listen and understand other ideas? How often have we voted outside our political party or even had open and understanding conversations with others who vote and feel very differently than we do? Some people, especially this year, are changing and doubting their political affiliations. Are we, in general, becoming more open to other ideas or more entrenched in our own long held beliefs?
Patterns, one's thinking, behaviors- are very difficult to change, yet, the rewards and benefits of change and adaptability can be great.
For most of us, our social circle is very defined. Defined by who we are... how we think of ourselves... our religion, our socio-economic reality, our color, our age, our activities, our political beliefs. How often do we move beyond "the comfortable", "the known", "the secure, "the pattern"?
In terms of friendships, conversations and activities- how often do we do something new? As we age, this becomes a bigger challenge. Do we want ourselves to be "rigid" or do we value "flexibility"?
So, the song of my sixties is: Break on thru to the Other Side by the Doors. May this new year be an opening for change and growth, for renewal and peace, for listening and understanding.
Amen and shana tova!
YOM KIPPUR:
evening/kol-nidre:
I am wearing a "kittel"- this plain white robe. All of us are charged on Yom Kippur to wear simple, white clothes or a "kittel" on Yom Kippur. Rabbi Moses Isserles, who lived in the 1500's primarily in Cracow, Poland, also known as the REMA, wrote: "It is customary to put on a kittel, which is white and clean, and is the garment worn by the dead. With this example before us, our hearts become submissive and broken."
This simple garment- reminds me today of the only thing that will be on my body when I am buried. How humbling and simple.
I am fasting today- like many of you. There will come a day, sooner than further, when I will no longer be eating. I am reminded of that today- no longer in body, no longer alive. How humbling and simple.
I am letting go today- thru forgiveness. Letting go of burdens. Asking others for forgiveness, hopefully being forgiven, and, as best as I can, being forgiving. Lightening my load, letting go. How humbling and simple.
Our prayer: "Haneshama lach vehaguf palach, Haneshama lach vehaguf shelach", meaning, "My soul, my breath, are yours, My body is your making, My soul, my breath, are yours, My body even is yours."
What is mine? Really? Nothing! This prayer emphasizes the theme of the day: I will die. How am I living? How humbling, how simple.
On this day we are charged to examine: What is it that really matters to me? I better get my priorities straight!
I am a fairly "minimalistic" kind of man. I don't horde things, or crave things, I don't shop much. My wife Alice calls me a "low maintenance" husband. I kid her and say, "shouldn't I be driving a BMW- after all I am married to a cardiologist!" She knows, tho, that I am totally happy with my 2006, ten year old Prius.
In our book-club, we read a book about "minimalism"- living with what we need and use and not more. There is a trend now towards smaller homes which are, of course, easier to heat and cool and easier to maintain. This trend towards "minimalism", "less is more", has its advantages both physically and mentally, both externally and internally. Physically and externally- this means less clutter, more space. Mentally and internally- this also means less clutter, less to think about and therefore, more head space. We don't have to worry about where so many things might be because, there aren't so many things.
As I've mentioned, I left my home for four months and flew around the world stopping in six places along the way for between two and four weeks in each place. I carried a backpack weighing no more than thirty pounds. This included a small, lightweight one person tent, a small lightweight sleeping bag, my toiletries, flashlight, extra shoes, a first aid kit, my cell phone and kindle, and clothes. My clothes, including what I was wearing, included: three pants, three underwear, three socks and four shirts (most poly-pro). I lived with a minimal amount of "stuff" for four months and it was sufficient- it was enough... it was even liberating.
Upon my return home, I was struck by the luxury and comfort and abundance which I live with- which most of us live with as first world Americans. I had just been traveling in Nepal, the second poorest country in Asia. Seventy percent of Nepal live by subsistence farming. The average annual income is $1500. So, it was a real shock landing in Boston and returning home after such a long journey.
It took me a few weeks to get used to two things: One was having a kitchen where all sorts of foods could easily be found- the choices were so many, and, it was always there. The other was my clothes closet and dresser. I didn't open either for a while. It was too much, too confusing, too many choices. My minimalist backpack soon enough gave way to my much less minimalist closet, dresser, kitchen and very comfortable home which I am blessed to live in- in my own simple way.
My trip reminded me how simple and freeing, less can be.
Yom Kippur reminds us of how simple and freeing less can be. Today, what we wear and don't wear, what we ingest and don't ingest, what we let go of thru acts of forgiveness and what we can not yet let go of, and, by realizing that our bodies are part of us today but will not be tomorrow (or, at some future point)- all of this reminds us to be humble and simple in our relationship to life; reminds us to live humbly and simply.
How am I living?
What is it that really matters?
Are my priorities in order?
These are the questions of the day.
May we take the time to examine ourselves and our lives so that we live with purpose, fulfillment, humility, kindness, compassion and simplicity. May we live humbly and simply.
Amen and shana tova!
YOM KIPPUR:
day:
Shimon Peres died about two weeks ago. Born in 1923, he lived to the age of 93! Peres is considered a founding father of the State of Israel. He of course was a soldier, he helped begin Israel's nuclear program and he was an early supporter of Israel's settlement movement in the West Bank. Later in life, Shimon Peres, along with Yitzchak Rabin, became a proponent for peace with the Palestinians, supported a two state peace solution, reached out to the Palestinians in efforts for peace and received the Nobel Peace Prize.
Peres's long life had many changing chapters as he aged. His life was not static but rather ever changing and evolving.
Our greatest prophet, Moses, also lived a long and changing life. His role developed over time- never static. And, he has five books with many chapters and weekly portions some named after him. "Chanisha chumshe Torah"- The Five Books of Moses. His life began as a vulnerable baby drawn from the river as he floated downstream in a basket; then, as a young man, killing an Egyptian task master and escaping responsibility by running to the wilderness; leading a people to freedom; implementing a system of laws and guidelines; becoming a judge; passing the baton of leadership to Joshua, and, dying alone in the wilderness. Many roles, ever evolving and changing.
We also have life chapters, life cycles. All of our lives are characterized by change, by chapters, by life stages.
For me, looking back, I see dramatic change characterized by unique chapters at every decade.
At 20: moving into my sense of self, of independence, of exploration. Hiking, traveling, studying.
At 30: beginning my own family, getting married, birth of my two sons, working, developing family and career.
At 40: mid-life crisis- my first wife dying, becoming father and mother to my sons, changing my priorities, re-marrying.
At 50: empty nesting- moving, with Alice, to a new place, a new home, new friends, changing my priorities, helping my parents age and die.
At 60: empty nesting and being an orphan, renewing my sense of independence and exploration. Hiking, traveling, discovery.
These are my chapters, so far, my life stages. Each of us has our own, not necessarily in decades but, still, chapters of our life.
Our life chapters or stages are typically characterized by change, and by growth. Change usually forces us to grow. Our chapters reflect significant change. How do we wish to address our life changes?... By valuing growth, or, by clinging to our insecurities? By valuing flexibility or by craving stagnation and stability?
Life is inherently insecure.
"Nothing is certain, it can always go wrong."
We never know what will be tomorrow- or even in a moment. Change is certain. How do we choose to face life's changes?
The "Hineni" prayer is the facilitator's prayer in which I acknowledge my own failings and limitations. "Hineni" means, "Here I Am" or even, more simply put, "I Am". This is an affirmation, "I Am", or, "I Am as I Am". This idea is again exclaimed later in the prayer: "Eheye asher eheye"- meaning, "I will be as I will be"; another way of saying, "I Am as I Am"; translated in our "machzor" or prayer book as, "Ever changing and Becoming". This affirmation re-enforces that all is "ever changing and becoming"... that I am "ever changing and becoming". This is where "I Am"- at this moment, and in this place... ever changing, ever becoming.
This affirmation and acknowledgement that "I Am Becoming" is part of the realization of seeing our lives as chapters in an ongoing story, chapters in an ongoing life.
I Am Process.
I Am Changing.
I Am Evolving.
I Am Becoming.
May we comfortably and warmly embrace change and continue to become the person we are. Uniquely ourselves. Embracing and growing from what is each moment in our lives.
Amen and shana tova!